Sunday, August 11, 2013

Part 1: The Old Black Dress

I promised that I wouldn't let myself go. That lasted approximately 1 minute and then got thrown out the window. I barely have time to pee much less take a shower or, perish the thought, get a haircut.

A couple weeks ago I needed to leave the house to go to the funeral home. I was able to take a shower and gain a slight resemblance of myself  pre-baby.  I pulled out an old black cotton dress that I have had for six years in the hopes it would fit over my post-baby body.

It would have to do.

I get in the car to make a quick stop at the grocery on my way when I fold down the mirror to put on a quick layer of lip gloss. I may or may not have startled myself when I saw my unruly eyebrows in the mirror.  Feeling defeated, I make my way to the store.

I park the car and get out and this is when the miracle happened.

A little girl in the car next to me, with her window cracked, says: "oooh, pretty dress!".

I spin around to see if she could possibly be talking about me. She was.

God had sent me an angel that day.

I carry the sound of that little girl with me and hope that my daughter never sees the unshowered, unplucked, unmade-up mom.

I hope that she only sees the pretty dress and knows that she is loved because I spent the whole day rocking her so she'd feel better.

I hope I see that this is all that matters.

I read an article about a mom who talks about how she is always the one behind the camera and challenges other mothers to "get in the picture". I realize how quickly I became the mom who didn't want to be in the picture. If you want to know why, reread the above post...

There was one other thing that I loved in that article. It said:

"I may not be perfect but, I am perfectly her mother".

I couldn't had said that any better myself.

I have had to let so much of myself go just to get Violet here. I suppose that won't change now that she is.

So, I apologize to those around me who have to endure the messy house, my unbrushed hair and teeth, my only three outfits that I have on a rotation because they are all that fit.

The unfinished blog post....

My daughter just woke up.

I have to go...

1 comment:

  1. Oh you are so not alone!!!!! I'm right there with you, I could've written this post- except the little girl is my Livi saying that :) Hang in there, your doing AWESOME!!!